A cold parting

The new year rolled in and frankly I didn't really feel it. It crept in through the back door, sneaked in sort of. There i was, making grandiose plans, rolling out the red carpet, preparing long resolutions...well i didnt actually get to doing any of those. The mist, fog and the nasty chill kept me busy. It's so so cold. How can your mind function in such numbness? I dont know which i hate more- the searing heat of Delhi summers or this brain numbing, pot seat freezing teeth rattling chill.
But when the sun does come out from behind the layers of grey clouds and fog, it feels like bliss. Just put your back to it and sun yourself to a toast and all is forgiven till darkness rolls in again. I was at Nigambodh Ghat the day before- my first visit to the famous cremation ground. A close friend's parent had passed away. Consciously or subconsciously i have kept myself at arm's length from such sensitive places. They scare the hell out of me. There's something very unsettling about them. This particular ground was decorated with colourful statues of Gods in chariots which looked rather terrifying. I mean, isnt there a better way to make a place cheerful? There was also a bit of a queue and a traffic jam of sorts. Dead people were actually waiting for their last rites to be performed and then taken into their numbered pyres. I think it can be quite overwhelming for someone who is already reeling under intense emotional strain and battling grief. The cold didn't help and the fumes from the burning pyres made it difficult to see or breathe. To top it all everyone was so serious and glumfaced. I think we need to address the way we say goodbye to folks. What's wrong with having peppy music and some warm comfortable places to sit? An option to have flowers and incense? A nice setting to evoke treasured moments spent with the lost one. With beauty comes good memories and that's what people want, dont they? To be remembered with love. 

Try Doing nothing for a change

Winter is finally here. I love the metro rides in the cold early mornings as most of the world still sleeps under their blankets. I find summer very baring and exhibitionist. Compared to that, winter is more snuggly, warm and rather demure. The sun too is soft and tentative as if it's trying to test its warmth. There's nothing like toasting your back on a sunny winter afternoon. I usually stand with a book in hand in the balcony and within minutes I doze off. It's the ultimate pleasure in an off day. No work, no tension, just lazing around in the sun.
Talking of tension, there's too much of it going around these days. Everyone I meet is in a hurry, in a huff, rushing to or from a meeting or just pissed trying to meet a deadline. The worst thing is that there is no end to these things. We carry all the tension from work to home and make our evenings and weekends miserable. So there is really no break as such, no time to unwind. When was the last time you lay in bed swinging your foot and listened to some peppy music on youtube? When was the last time you just sat in the couch and did nothing for an hour? I bet you cant even remember! Well, that's what I mean by relaxing. We got to stop running, meeting deadlines, worrying and making ourselves sick. We are only hurrying our race to the grave.
Just try it. Laze around the house doing nothing for a day. It's the ultimate answer to all our troubles. You think i'm kidding? 

Trick endings

It's Diwali night and i'm sitting at home. I've put up the lights, lit the candles, worn a nice outfit and some make up. Have also wished all and sundry a very happy diwali. And tipped the watchmen and the maids and the presswalah. Right, so now what?
Is it just me or does everybody feel like this? Flat, empty and quite ridiculous. Perhaps I never learnt how to 'enjoy' a festival. Perhaps all festivals are more hype than actual meaning. I mean how much can you stuff yourself with sweets and alcohol? How long can you look at blinking lights? How much of the noise can you suffer before going deaf? 
As a child i always dreaded the 'endings' be they of stories or events or even visits of relatives. I associated endings with partings and sorrow and grief. And I hated the effect it had on me. The empty feeling the day after, the forlorn house and walls and memories of joyful times were torture for me. So i devised a clever ploy to fool grief and pre-empt the inevitable. I offered to 'receive' guests rather than see them off. I started to plan for the next event even before the current one ended. I bought two novels instead of one and never started on my last book/story/toffee unless the supply was replenished. And i learnt how to make a shondesh (bengali sweet) last for half a day! I really did and got spanked for it once because ants began to queue up in my hand! I think I discovered self hypnosis because I really convinced myself that good things never came to an end- they just came in instalments and no matter how severe the winter, spring was always around the corner. So what if the bell has struck the midnight hour? Christmas has just been heralded in!

Wild misgivings: African safari part 5

Day one at Kruger started with an introduction to bushlife from our guide Nick. A bespectacled middle aged Brit, he had a wry sense of humour which kept us in good spirits throughout the safari. He was more of a bird watcher than a cat lover and we were made acutely aware of it at every turn in the bush. The morning safari began at 6 after a camp breakfast. Armed with hats, binocs, sunscreen and flasks of tea/coffee and biscuits Nick would drive us off in one of the camp's many top open landcruisers. To be honest, the first morning I was terrified. 'No covers?' I asked incredulously, looking at the empty frame around the vehicle. Nick smirked and our two South African copassengers- an elderly couple, laughed. 'What are you afraid of?' the guide asked. 

'Well, this is the wild....'I began. My heart was thumping as I imagined being pounced upon by lions and leopards. The others were already seated as I hesitated, trying to get an answer from Somebody. 

'Don't worry Miss, the animals are more afraid of you than you are of them! Get in!' Nick replied tersely.

And so, with misgivings I climbed in. Over the next three days as we combed miles and miles of the bushveld around us, sometimes dense jungle, sometimes arid desert filled with cactii, sometimes dark groves deep in the interiors, I did understand what he tried to tell me. There were no animals waiting to pounce on us. They were just going about their business which was to survive. As long as we respected their territory and did not provoke them they just couldnt care less. 

Nick taught us to read animal tracks and droppings and identify bird and animal calls. We would pick up trails of wild buffaloes, zebras, elephants and the numerous varieties of antelopes and deer in the forest. We saw crocodiles sunbathing in the banks alongside a group of hippos. We spotted a huge young rhino calf silently munching on some grass. The buffaloes looked mean and scary while the crocs were frankly faking their stupor. 

I consider peeing in the bush as one of the scariest experiences of my life. I recommend everyone not to ever try it. After a day of staring into the shadows of every tree and peering into the branches to discern the shape of a bird we became really good at 'animal and bird spotting'. It was very competitive in the cruiser. We all tried to outdo each other in trying to spot some species and impress our guide! Around ten in the morning when the sun became quite unbearable we would head back to the camp for rest until three when the afternoon safari would begin. Along with the animals we too would crash for a snooze and wait for it to get cooler to venture out again!